My heart is full today. My heart has been full for quite some time. Love does that to you, when you love someone deeply and when they return that love what seems like 100 fold. If there was something I'd want you to know about my Mom it is that she loved. She loved deeply, completely, without hesitation, and unconditionally. It was part of who she was, it was what she did. Her life was about loving others, right where they were, in whatever circumstance life might have held.
Today we celebrate love. I celebrate her love for me, for Dad, for Tom, for Joseph and Philip, for her sisters Willie Mae and Jenny, her niece Barbara, and all of her family and friends. I also celebrate her love for those that she perhaps didn't know as well as family, but to whom she imparted compassion, encouragement, generosity, or help. It was in her spirit to love and this love came from God. It was why she was able to love like she did.
So today in ways it seems like her love story has ended because she is not on this earth with us, but to me this love story is to be continued in heaven. This brings me peace because she is not suffering from type 1 diabetes anymore or cancer. It brings me hope because I know Christ has prepared a place for Mom in heaven and now she is there with him rejoicing and I will have a place there too one day and will be joyful with her right beside me again. Her love story brings me joy in thinking of the many ways she changed my life for the better and all of the happy memories, yet it brings me to my knees at times in grief, because my heart is so very full with love to give to her and I no longer can physically give it to her.
From the time I was a 7 week old infant and the adoption agency placed me into her arms to last week of her life when I was holding her hand. My mom was a tremendous gift to me. When she stepped into my infant life, she gave me the gift of herself and took hold of my heart forever and I was never the same. The lessons of love began in her lap with her arms around me and they continued even to last week when she could not speak, but woke up on Wed. opened her eyes, saw me took her hand out from under the covers and reached out to me and grabbed my hand not letting it go for 45 minutes.
She was an incredible example of what a loving mom should be. She wiped my tears, she sewed up my stuffed animals, she changed my diapers, she fed me, she was funny and made us laugh. She applauded my successes, and helped to pick me up when I fell or failed. She gave me great advice about so many things and allowed me to make my own choices. She didn't just sign my report cards in elementary school, she used up every single tiny space there was to thank my teachers for their efforts. Where ever we were she wanted to be as we were growing up. She didn't want to miss a beat. She was in my classroom at school as a grade mother, she was my girl scout troop leader, she volunteered at our high school and worked in the office where I took music lessons. She took me to the nursing home to visit family members and gave me an appreciation for caring for the elderly. She taught me to sew, to cook and to manage a household. She taught me to invest money, be frugal, and be thankful for what I have. She gave me an appreciation for life. She affirmed me as her daughter. She inspired me to be a better person. She was the best mom to me, the most thoughtful, beautiful gift the Lord has ever given me.
How did I ever deserve this gift from God? How? So many people don't have this kind of love from a parent. I realized this year more than ever when God told me, "Judith you have had this example of love through your parents so YOU could love like that.
She was so very brave in my eyes. She fought her medical battles with dignity and grace. She stood up for the right thing, did the right things and didn't complain about the diabetes she had for so long. She walked through many medical issues during her lifetime always thanking those that helped her, and thanking God the most for his blessings in the storms.
Her courage inspires me beyond what I can really tell you. After last week, I am not the same and her last week of life changed me forever. Courage and God's mercy have taken on a new meaning for me. Love was taken to a deeper level. A level I witnessed in the love of my brother, my father, my mother, myself, as well as the wonderful staff and nurses at the Carriage Club. This love was also at a level I did not even know I was capable of..... all for her because our family's hearts are so intertwined with each others.
So where do I go from here? What will I do without my Moma? How will I live my life to honor her memory? I will keep on living and giving my best because that is what she taught me to do.
Through her
63 year journey of Type 1 diabetes and her four fights with cancer, she showed
everyone that we are not guaranteed tomorrow, so we must give our best to others and be
our best today with God's strength and help. She showed us that making good
choices do positively affect our lives in so many ways. In appreciating life and knowing it is a gift
from above, she taught me to make sure I recognized the source of that gift of life,
God himself. "Make sure you thank him for what he has done..... Make
sure you thank him." she’d say. She knew that all of this life
comes from Him, all of the blessings, all of the goodness, all of the
love. I'm so thankful she taught me that lesson of faith.
So I'm going
to keep on living and appreciating each moment I'm given, because she has
engrained that in me. I am going to have a heart that longs to be with
her and will miss her.
There is
more love to share, more generosity to be given, more battles to fight, more
people to share our story with, more lives to touch. She would want us to
keep "living" and doing all of those things.
And Joseph and Philip, her boys, always remember boys, her words to you....don't ever forget.... "I love you so much, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck."
I love you Moma,
Judith
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