Of all the songs he could have chosen, he picked this one. I know it had to have been because he heard it played at the field last night as well. Plus, the piano is so lovely.
This song..... oh this song..... I couldn't listen to it all the way through for months after my mom died.
This morning I sight read the entire piece on our piano.... twice.
Yes, there were tears in my eyes..... those chords at the beginning always get to me.
In June of 2012 my mother was extremely sick and on Hospice care. She was weak and more fragile than I had ever seen her in my entire life. Something in my gut told me in May she would be with us through June but I was not sure how long after that. It was the gnawing sensation that I knew she was going to die, but the "when" escaped me. I had the heaviest heart for that month of June.
Through those precious days and four weeks she continued to smile, laugh, and be who she was... so full of love for all of us she loved so very dearly despite how badly she felt physically.
There was a song Mike was playing on his lap top during that time which really ministered to me. "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman. The words to the song really spoke deeply to me especially the part about keeping on singing. When my heart knew my mom couldn't sing because of her ailing body which was failing on so many levels, I was going to keep singing in my heart for both of us. That's what I thought and what I wrote about as I grieved the anticipation of losing her 2 weeks before she died.
For weeks it was like my life flashing before my eyes thinking of all of the wonderful things Mom had done for me. Who she was. How I had so much of her in my heart. She saved my life quite literally in ways only a mother can save it. How do you adequately thank someone for choosing you as her daughter? How? Is it even possible? All of these thoughts of thankfulness, gratitude to God, and how much I loved and appreciated her flooded my mind that June. She had become such a part of me and I wasn't ready to let go of that. All of us were having such a hard time with watching her decline.
So I wrote this post on June 24, 2012 and she passed away 6 nights later. Bless the Lord Oh My Soul
(Click the link to read, it's very short! Lyrics to the song found there.) It was about this very song, "10,000 Reasons". Yes, the song I played this morning on our piano!
The entire lyrics to the song are so powerful..... it ends not with death, but HOPE.
"And on that day when my strength is failing,
The end draws near and my time has come,
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending,
10,000 years and then forever more! "
This song talks about God's goodness. He is our reason to get up in the morning! He is our reason to keep singing! He is who is at our bedside when our bodies are failing. He is who is with us in the life to come! The entire song speaks of his holiness, goodness, and how worthy he is of our praise!
10,000 Reasons to keep going..... I've got a big one the Lord has provided at the moment.....
This baby grand piano that now sits in a corner of our house has most certainly become a treasured gift. It has proven to be the BEST thing I have ever purchased in my adult life outside of our homes. It is used and 15 years old, but the previous owner took such good care of it and I am so grateful for that.
I told the Lord that if he helped me learn to play well again or even better than I used to after all of these years that I would keep playing. AND.... I would play for others.
This desire to play has captivated my heart and the desire to play for others has as well. Seeing the boys play and hearing piano music in our house on a daily basis makes me smile and I know my parents would have been happy to be a part of that.
My dad always wanted a baby grand. He used to joke about it. "But Joe, you don't play!" my mother would tell him. His response was, "I know, but she does...." and he would point to me.
He was always telling me to "play some more please." So I would. I'm telling our boys that too.
We never got a baby grand piano even though my father would have loved to have had one. I never thought I'd ever own one myself even though I secretly dreamed of that since I was a child. Anytime Dad saw one, he would marvel over what a beautiful instrument it was. He loved piano music and grew up listening to George Gershwin records as a teen. If alive today on this earth would he be giddy that this instrument is in our home? Absolutely! Most importantly he would be super excited that it was not just "sitting looking pretty" but that it was played....every single day. Mom would feel the same way.
10,000 reasons to keep going after a loss..... I have not come up with 10,000 reasons yet, but I may start a list and see how many ones I can come up with then if I get to 1000, I will just multiply those by 10 and say, "Do those things 10 times."
I've got ONE big new reason right now among many others. When the boys and I can get our repertoires together we will start playing for seniors and Alzheimer's patients.
Thinking on how I could not listen to this song for months and months at all and then for more months without a tear in my eye. Today I can listen to the entire thing and be ok. Playing it on the piano however? Wow..... would I have thought that would happen in June 2012? It will still remind me of my mother though she did not ever know of or hear the song.
So I'm thanking my son today when I pick him up from school. This gift of sheet music is more than he realized. He downloaded it for himself, but actually he did it for me. Thank you Lord for ministering to me through music, my son, and the loving memory of my mother.
