This is the saying on one of my Dad's many staff t-shirts from the YMCA. He has quite a collection, I must say!
On the back it says, "But I belong at the YMCA"
I still catch my dad wearing one of his Y polo shirts or t-shirts under a sweater these days. When I see him wearing one, my hand lately just wants to grab my heart, because I know what those shirts stand for.... and I know how far his journey has come. My brother and I weren't born when his story began at the YMCA, but we've seen a lot of the journey and my brother and I are a full part of where his journey is now with Alzheimer's Disease. We have our wonderful memories of Dad before the disease took hold. It is bittersweet. Today, we walk with our Dad through this valley of the "long goodbye". It's an honor to walk with him and it's tough. We love him so much.
His love, happy disposition, gratitude, and compassion remain and there are other pieces of our Dad which have not left him. We hang onto those parts with everything we've got. It is amazing to me despite it all, how good God is to allow the part I treasure the most, (Dad's recognition of us his family and love for us) to be with us still.
Through it all I know the Lord walks with us.
I want to share Dad's (Joe's) story of the YMCA here on this little blog of mine because it is a great story. It is an example of the difference one person can make in so many lives just because you love what you do.
Our family started swim lessons again this summer. Philip (age 8) needed to learn free style and back stroke. Joseph, our 11 year old, just needed to brush up on technique for his strokes and learn Breast and Butterfly. We are members of the Fort Mill (Baxter) YMCA.
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| Philip in the lane on the left, Joseph on the right swimming back stroke. |
What a beautiful facility! We love it there!
Whenever I mention us being at the Y, my dad is always thrilled. I tell him about us being there a lot. The YMCA! Ahhhh..... one of my Daddy's favorite places. He would be so proud of his grandsons.
I grew up going to the Y. I learned to swim in this exact pool at the Dowd YMCA (formerly the Central Y) in the photo below. My brother learned to swim there and my dad taught adult swim lessons part time there Tuesday and Thursday nights consistently for over 30 years.
His actual service at the Central/Dowd YMCA in aquatics dates back to 1961, so truly overall, it's been more like 45 years. When Dad was in his 70's he did not teach as consistently, but was always willing to take on a class when called if he was available during his retirement.
It was his love, teaching others to swim. I remember so clearly those Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, Dad coming home from his full time career job at DuPont and jogging through the house in his suit coat and tie....straight to the bedroom to change his clothes and get ready for his adult swim class. It was almost like Clark Kent. One moment he was all corporate and then he would come out transformed in a YMCA tee shirt with his name badge "Joe" attached, shorts, flip flops and a nose plug jiggling around his neck. (Very much like the pool photo below)
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| At the Dowd YMCA in the 1990's. |
Mom would have dinner all ready for him at 6pm and then he'd eat and was out the door. Many nights in the summer time he would ride his bicycle to the Central Y, which was only about 3 miles from our house. He'd come home some nights with stories of success..... a woman or man absolutely terrified of the water or putting their face in the water, but with his coaxing, "can do it" attitude and extreme patience, my daddy taught even the MOST reluctant person to swim. Only one other instructor taught as long as he did at the Central Y, Jack Morrow, and he was legend.
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| Dad in 1981 at the Central YMCA before the 2nd pool expansion to the pool area. |
He even won the prestigious "Rose Award" in 2006, at age 74, for outstanding service and excellence at the Dowd YMCA. The Rose Award is one which is given out quarterly. The special thing about this honor is that to receive the award you are chosen by your peers. The people Dad worked with chose him for this award. Now that is special! We have it proudly displayed in his shadow box next to his door in the Memory Care Building where he now lives.
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| Currently in the shadow box outside his room door in Memory Care |
Dad gave up teaching swimming to take care of Mom, when she was so sick from battling cancer the 2nd time. We almost lost her in the hospital before her diagnosis and chemo treatment even started. The hospital stay lasted 5 weeks. When she came home she was weak. He was worried. He would not leave her side for long periods of time. When the YMCA called during those times to ask him to teach a class, he always put Mom first and gracefully told the Y "no". What was so nice, was that the YMCA understood how important family was. Dad would do anything for Mom and did. He took her to every single doctor's appointment, every single chemotherapy session, to the grocery store, just anything she needed he provided.
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| 2006 recovery from Non Hodgkins Lymphoma |
Amazingly, Mom bounced back that year and we were all so grateful! I was thankful for the way Dad cared for Mom and the example of love he showed to us. We had three more years with her than any of us expected. This July we lost Mom to diabetes and cancer for a 4th time. It has been a huge loss to our family. It's so hard to think of Dad without Mom. 59 years of marriage....they were always together. There is just no Joe without Ethel and no Ethel without Joe. It's been a tough year.
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| 50th Wedding Anniversary 2003 |
Even though my Dad stopped doing many things for himself during these last few years. He's never forgotten the joy swimming at the YMCA always gave him.
The water.... just being in the water and being around people there. He was always a people person. Being around people was his "element". He did more than just teach others to swim on the pool floor, I believe. He cared about people. He was interested in people's struggles and lives. He made many friends and knowing my dad as I always have, he was good at that. It is a gift my Daddy has always had, making a new friend and making people feel comfortable and setting another at ease no matter where he is.
Usually he did this by an encouraging compliment and often times a funny comment which made someone else laugh. He has always been a big kid, which is one reason why he was successful teaching others to swim. He had a way of making everyone around him smile. Yet he was serious and firm when need be. He wanted his students to be successful and he didn't give up on anyone. It was just his personality. Yes, I do believe he did more than just give lessons to people at the YMCA. He invested personally into people's lives.... students, other members and staff.
Dad had one of the smoothest freestyle strokes I ever saw too, the way his 6'2'' frame cut through the water with no splash... just beautiful. I always wanted to swim with quality like he could. One thing my Dad always gave me was great, candid, gentle advice on my swim strokes, whenever I asked. The way he gave constructive criticism never made me feel inadequate or insignificant.
He made me feel like I could accomplish anything if I put my mind to it and practiced.
That's the way he approached so many things.
Two of his favorite sayings were, "You can do it!" and "We'll make it work!". Oh and let's not forget that incessant word forever stuck in my brain, "Kick! Kick! Kick!" (smile).
In 2009, when cancer struck Mom a third time, we were all pretty shaken up. They could not treat her with chemo this time nor put her into remission. Dad, at 77, was once again care giver at home. There was no stopping his love and devotion for Mom. I have never seen more love and sacrifice exemplified in another human being than my father had for my mother during that year. It was so incredibly sweet and inspiring, yet, he had us all concerned, because he was on the verge of burning himself out. We all knew a great solution for him to relieve some stress, and have some peace each week....
...Swimming at the Y!
Of course!
We all begged him to go back to Dowd, just once a week that year when Mom was sick, just to do something for himself, not even to teach, but just to swim. He even had the Dowd aquatic schedule taped to the wall above the phone in the kitchen with the "free swim times" highlighted, but he never would go on his own but a couple of times.
He just didn't want to leave Mom.
She was his bride.
Nothing can separate true love.
What a love too!
I get teary eyed thinking about it to this day.
It was sad for us to see Dad give up swimming like that. It meant so much to him. Yet, we all understood perfectly.
My brother even took him to Dowd a few times that same year when he moved with Mom to the retirement community. He loved that. He started doing some physical therapy in assisted living. I suggested trying water therapy with him in the retirement community pool, which the therapist thought was a great idea! They all knew he had taught swimming and loved the water. When they took him into the outdoor pool that day (at age 78), he blew them all away by swimming the length of the pool with a smooth freestyle. Even with Alzheimers he wowed them and they couldn't believe it. The therapist told me later, "You said your dad could swim....well you were not joking! Wow! I didn't expect that!" That therapy in the pool never went too far due to a fall he had shortly after the water therapy started. He never went back to the Dowd Y either after his fall....he then required a walker. Then his memory got worse and worse....
Now there is the "dream" of the pool. Not to swim anymore, those times are past due to his illness. The dream now is to just have him sit "pool side" and see his grandsons swim. Just one time.... And we have the bigger dream of impacting the lives of kids and adults for the future..... I know he loves this idea. The day I told him about helping fund opportunities for kids to learn how to swim just this summer, he said he'd like to be a part of that. With the help of some awesome people, Dad's legacy will live on even in a small way, in the lives of others.
You show Dad a picture of the pool today and his face still lights up with his wonderful smile.
He has not forgotten the YMCA.
So that first day of swim lessons this summer, when we were in the indoor pool and it looked and smelled so much like the Dowd, I couldn't help but think of him. The Aquatics director said the most interesting thing to us parents before the swim class.
"Parents, the most important part of swimming lessons is the relationship built between your child and his or her instructor. This special relationship will make the biggest impact in your child's progress. The more your child builds trust with this person, the more success he or she will have"
Ok, I started to get choked up a bit. I'm sure I was the ONLY one that did. It is kind of a crazy thing to get choked up about! But how true! The reality hit me to think of Dad at that moment, and the impact he must have made on so many lives as a swim instructor for 40+ years at the YMCA.
Those relationships and the trust he built with hundreds of people over 4 decades...
He has taught children and adults alike. He's taught them all, but teaching an adult is SO much harder than teaching a child! To think of the trust you must build with an adult who is terrified of the water..... No easy task.
I couldn't help but think of the impact of my father and the impact those sweet swim instructors are having on all of those children I saw our first day of swim lessons.
I think one of the most important life skills you can learn is to swim. You never know when you might need it. Truly, that is what these instructors are doing. They are teaching you, how you-yourself can save your own life one day or even the life of another.
Dad taught our oldest son, Joseph how to swim. He was never able to teach our youngest Philip due to his illness, but I know minus the disease, he would have loved nothing more than to teach Philip as well.
I take video of the boys these days at the Baxter YMCA and show them to Dad often. He loves that.
His grandsons are taking to the water very well.
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| June 21st 2012 Climbing out of the pool after he completed 25 m all by himself! |
There are some very talented, caring, awesome instructors at the Fort Mill YMCA! They are building relationships. They love kids. It shows. We are so blessed. I have told the Aquatics Director at the Fort Mill YMCA about Dad. She couldn't believe it. She said I made her day sharing his story. She said she "needed" to hear things like that, it was very inspiring and thanked me for sharing.
I recently told Philip's latest instructor about Dad too. It was his first time teaching the fall session. Dad's story touched him. He even told me with his hand on his heart, "Wow, thank you. That gives me hope that I can do this." (meaning be an instructor for a length of time) He meant it so sincerely. You could just tell he was taken back by Dad's story. You just never know who is going to be touched by someone else's experience. I will always be humbled and excited to share Dad's story with others.
Joseph just told Granddad Thanksgiving weekend that he swam 16 laps non stop. That's 400 meters. He's never done that before! Do you know what Granddad's words were to Joseph with a big grin on his face? "I'm proud of you, Son."
Oh my goodness... for him to see his grandsons swim, just one more time, while he is still mobile. It is becoming harder and harder for him to get out these days and his illness is so unpredictable day to day.
It's still my dream for a good enough day to do this.....God willing it will happen for him.
Saying another prayer for the legacy to come for future swimmers!
Oh to dream big on behalf of your father!
It is an honor.
It is special.
It is the best feeling in the world!
We love you Dad.
