Reaching for the Sky

My favorite picture from this year's Victory Sports Flag Football Season of our son, Joseph...

It's often times difficult to snap photographs of players in action.  I never know what I'm going to get.  So I just keep snapping photographs hoping I'll get some that capture special moments.

"Reach for the sky"..... 
The ball is in the air, 
the hands are outstretched,
anticipation beats in his heart, 
with gleeful expectation of the possible catch he hopes to make.

This has been a very fun season for our son.  Victory Sports is a wonderful league of which we are glad to be a part.  Joseph's joy and appreciation of the game of football came from his growing as a player in Victory Sports.  We are very thankful!

A Most Excellent Flag Football Game

It was a great night.  

We didn't win our game, but we sure did enjoy the experience of it all.  

Joseph #6

Nothing like cheering on the sidelines, with all 3 generations present.


We brought one of Joseph's biggest fans to see him play.  Granddad wants to come again next week.  

As long as he can physically come and wants to, I'm going to bring him.  We'll keep clapping, cheering and watching from the sidelines until the season is over.  

By the end of the game, Dad was trying to convince Philip he could play flag football too, if he really wanted to.  "You can do it!" he said.  That wonderful unceasing "can do it" attitude, I've known all my life..... it hasn't left him.

Joseph and Granddad

It's all about living in the moment right now. 

Bringing  joy to each moment as often as we can.

It's our life.
It's my dad's life.

And we want him to keep enjoying it....

It's Time for Sunflowers Again

The slate is clean.  

The flowerbed is empty.  

It's time to plant our sunflowers again.

This is always a great time of year for us.  Planting sunflowers has become a family tradition.

This little plot of dirt next to our deck has seen many a sunflower.  And it has seen many months of just being empty, anticipating next year's flowers.  I always like to leave a space just for our sunflowers.   It's sad when I have to pull the dead flowers up, because it looks so empty.  However, it gives the ground a chance to rest. 


We started out in 2005, by the shed with our sunflower patch, but the evergreen trees grew higher and higher and blocked too much of the sun, so we had to move the patch to the flower bed by the deck. 

One thing I enjoy so much about our sunflower patch is looking back at pictures of the boys and seeing how much they have grown since we started the whole thing.  

Joseph age 4

PJ at age 2

Here are the boys this year.

Today the Mammoth seeds went into the ground.  We used Burpee brand organic sunflower seeds.  I always use Burpee seeds.  They seem to do really well.

This is the 5th spring this little piece of dirt has been the host for sunflowers.  We have had varying success over the years.   We've had Mammoths grow to 7-9 feet and some grow only to about 5 ft.  We've had trouble with slugs, birds, and aphids, but through it all it has been worth all of the efforts to grow them.  The last 2 years were the years of the slug, and I had to replant them about 3 times each year.  The slugs left the colored sunflowers alone, but attacked the new sprouts of the Mammoths every time I planted them.  It was very frustrating.

Nothing has ever topped the sunflowers of 2007 in our yard.  2008 and 2009 were beautiful because we planted varying colored sunflowers in addition to Mammoths.  The summer of 2007 was amazing.  

 The Mammoths of 2007

2007

2007

2008

2008

My mom in 2008

2009

2009

2009

2010

With the slate clean this year,  I do not know what the summer will hold.  How tall will they get this year?  Will we have to replant them due to those pesky slugs?  How many Goldfinch couples will feast on them?  I pray that they will just grow and we will enjoy watching the process once again.  


It takes 2 full months for Mammoths to bloom.  That would be about the time I return from Ecuador. 


One of our favorite photos to take each year are each of us "peeking through" the stalks as they are getting tall.  

I can't wait for July when we'll be peeking through.....

 More to come as they grow.....

Every Picture Tells a Story

I have been changing the look of my blog a bit the past week.  I'm such a newbie in the blogging world.  I've seen some beautiful and very intricate blogs full of cool and exciting things over the past months.  Each one is so unique with a different title expressing the main thought of  its author. 

It's hard to put a title with a blog that describes "you" in a small amount of words or with one or just a few pictures. I have decided one thing.  Less is more for my blog.  I am trying not to clog up my margins with a lot of things.  I want it to be as simple as possible.

My blog is entitled "Wings of the Spirit"  because this was the name of the first book of poetry I put together myself in 1998.  I took all the poems I'd written since 1982 when I was in high school, and took them to Kinkos for them to put together about 40 copies.  I gave them to friends and family.  I entitled my poetry collection:  "Wings of the Spirit" back then because that is what writing is like for me.

Much of my writing, when it is personal, is like my spirit soaring up to heaven for God's glory.  I want my writing to be pleasing in God's eyes, not just mine.  Many people have encouraged the writer in me in very different ways.  My folks, my husband, close friends, and a dear college professor who told me my Freshman year in college that I'd make a great poet one day if I gave a little more attention to specific things.  He gave great constructive criticism.  He'll never know how much I've hung onto those words over the years.

Initially, I started out with poetry, but this past year I have been drawn more toward writing prose than poetry.  I'm not sure why that is.  I love to write poetry.  I think it's just a different season I'm in right now.  I do know that most of what I write comes quickly when it does, and I never write the same thing twice.  It just never happens.  Those moments come and go and are gone.  It is one reason why I use this blog for writing those things down, so I do not forget them.  I want our boys to be able to look back and have a sort of history of their mom and our family.

A picture says a thousand words.  And every picture tells a story.

I started out my blog with this picture under the title.  It was a photo I took in September of last year, during our first visit to Daniel Stowe Botanical Gardens in Gaston County, NC.  It is a photo of some lovely Cosmos growing which was about 3-4 feet tall.  I had to stop on our walk around the gardens and snap a few pics.

I absolutely LOVE this photo.  I didn't even notice at first the bee in the center of the largest flower in the forefront of the photo, a bit hidden by one of the petals, but there. You can see his little head.  You never know what might be hiding in photos you take.

As time has gone on, I've decided the best way for me to describe my blog is "Life is a gift."  That kind of sums up everything for me.  It is my life story.  So it fits. You can read about  my adoption testimony  here or under the adoption link in "what I write about".

I knew at some point I might find another photo that exhibits a bit more that expression "life is a gift".  I was searching through photos last night.  I found this one of my oldest son in 2009 at the age of 9 smelling our sunflowers around the deck.  This one spoke to me. 

Life is a gift.  

We need to embrace those moments God gives us daily celebrate them in our hearts, acknowledging that life is a gift everyday. 

"  Every good and perfect gift comes from God."  James 1:17   

How am I living daily?  How do I show God I am thankful for my daily gift of life, his mercy, and his love?  I need to be purposeful in my living.  I must not take this wonderful God given gift for granted.  Lord please help me not be complacent.

So I changed my photo describing my blog to this photo of my oldest son and the sunflowers.  Sunflowers are my favorite flowers too.  Seeing my son embracing that moment of smelling that flower so sweetly reminds me that God has given me such wonderful gifts.  

 

I hope you like the photo.

Fingerprints of Love

I have to get this out today and onto paper.  I just have to share this moment with you.  I am humbled and thrown into this sea of gratefulness again.  I'm so touched.  It has happened again.... I'm sure it will not be the last.  "Big sigh" with a smile....

I'm in the throws of cleaning out my folks condo, helping them to go through their things, and all that entails with the sale of a piece of property.  Today I was taking care of an upper kitchen cabinet.  One I had avoided, it was full.  As I was making piles of things to recycle, throw out, keep, or give to charity I ran across yet another zippered pouch for my mom's diabetic care.  She kept ALL of them.  I've found old meters, old lancets, and plenty of diabetic supplies.  This pouch looked really old. I just knew I was going to toss it because its contents were going to be too old for anyone to safely use.  I opened it up to look inside and see if it was a meter this time or a lancet.  It was a lancet.  This is what you would use to prick your finger to check your blood sugar.  Something Mom would have used multiple times a day at the time. 

Then I saw it....

Yet another love note from my daddy.  One in the shape of a pink heart tucked inside where she would have seen it daily.  This pouch had not been opened in years.  I guarantee that.  I have not seen her use this particular lancet in years.  It is an old style.

I had to just sit down at the table with the pouch and cry.

My parents have not lived in this place for over a year, yet love is still in this place.  I even heard myself  saying it out loud, "Love is still all over this place."  Everywhere I least expect it I find a trace of their love reminding me again how special they are as a couple. 

God you are not letting me take anything for granted.  You are so good to me.  All of these reminders of love.  I don't ask for them, but you keep showing them to me.

I am so thankful.  I am.  My daddy is at a point now in his dementia where he can no longer write coherent sentences.  The era of writing notes to my mom about how he feels about her is over.  That in itself is tough for me to swallow.  They are in yet another new phase of their marriage of now 58 years.  The era of simply loving through "being" together, where fewer words are said, but a presence is there that means so much.  I didn't have this thought initially when I started to cry.  However after awhile it came to me how special these notes are now.  Precious things that still remain true.  My daddy may not be able to express well in written words his love anymore, but he tries and thinks he can.  We have seen him try so hard when writing in a birthday card or Mother's Day card for Mom.  The feeling and emotion has not changed.   His physical presence in going to see Mom everyday is the most special right now.  He'll keep walking across the parking lot to her building from his building as long as he is able.

My 7 year old son wondered why I was crying.  He was looking at the pouch and wondering what about that could be sad.  Then I got to explain to him that there are in fact good cries and sad cries.  This was a good cry.  Mommy was not sad, just very happy that Granddad and Grandmom love each other like they do.

And there are others I have found in months past.....
In the drawers below the sink where you would keep a scrub brush or a sponge handy.
Not just in one drawer either....

....in both.

My dad.....  my goodness. I just love him.

I also found some color slides of their first years of marriage in Hawaii.  What treasures I've found today!  These slides are of when both of their mothers flew out to see them in the mid 50's. These would actually be my grandmother's slides, which Mom and Dad had kept after she died.  The labeling on them is Grandmama's writing.  My brother has found plenty of slides as well over the past months.  I know we will digitize these slides for Mom and Dad and show them to them.   I will be excited about that day.  There is nothing they love more than reminiscing about their years in Hawaii when Dad was in the Navy.

So many fingerprints of love.....

A Simple "Yes" Changed My Life- My Story for Orphan Sunday 2011

Did you know that God can take something that starts with loss and pain and turn it into something beautiful?   

I can’t say this is just my story.  It’s not.  This is Joe and Ethel’s story, my adopted brother Tom’s story and mine as well. 

My adopted parents journey began in 1958 with the conception of their first child.  My mom at age 28 lost her first baby during the 2^nd trimester of her pregnancy. 

Devastating…. 

However, she and Dad kept their dream of having a family alive.  In 1961 they conceived again only to lose this baby too, once again in the 2^nd trimester of Mom’s pregnancy.   

How do you overcome that kind of grief?  I cannot imagine. 

Amazing grief, amazing love, amazing faithfulness of God. 

  Mom and Dad weathered the storm of miscarriage, having doctors tell my mom that if she wanted to live, she needed to stop trying to have babies.  Diabetes and pregnancy were dangerous to her life.  Their dream did not die with those words, They could have given up and been resigned that they would never have children, never raise children, and just be a couple for the rest of their years.  However, that was not Joe and Ethel’s hearts.  My parents love children.  God continued the dream with the thoughts of adopting a child of their own.  It took them over a year locally to find my brother, Tom and adopt him as a 5 week old infant in August of 1964.  They finally had been blessed with a family and a child with whom they could share their love. 

Tom a few days after he came home.

Dad is 32 years old.  Tom is 5 weeks.

My story begins in June of 1966.  That is when they started looking to adopt a daughter.  In June of ’66 I was close to 5 months old in my biological mother’s womb.  Yes, in the 2^nd  trimester of her pregnancy.  Approximately the same age as the babies my mom lost.  Ironic…. God’s timing is perfect.  Children and Family Services found me and told my parents they had found an infant girl were they interested?  The answer was “Yes.”  

 

"  I will give thanks to the LORD with all my heart;  I will tell of all Your wonders. I will be glad and exult in You;  I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High."

Psalm 9:1-2

January 11, 1967 is my adoption day.  I was 7 weeks old.  This day I gained a mother, father and older brother.  Little did I know what a tremendous gift this would be at the time, but God knew, yes, God knew.  I do not know where I was those first 7 weeks of my life.  I don’t know where I spent my first Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years.  I just know someone with a big heart took care of me through foster care.

FAMILY.... How can you put into words what a loving family means? 

Are there words?  Yes, there are, but too often for me they are wrapped around a sea of emotion, gratefulness, love, and wonder.   

Family… Families are not perfect.  But God is.  We may not have chosen our family, but they are still ours.  I lost a family the minute I was supposed to have one.  But no matter how a family may start out, God has a perfect plan.

I am grateful to be here.

I am grateful for life.

I am grateful that no matter the circumstances of my conception and birth, that my biological mother took care of herself and I, during a 9 month pregnancy and decided to give me life.  Her choice to not keep me has never greatly bothered me.  It has only brought curiosity and wonder.  Her choice to give me a chance at a “different life” has always been something for which I am so blessed.   

She did two beautiful things...   

She chose life over death in giving birth to me and because of that decision it has allowed me to pursue the path of becoming the woman God wants me to be.

You see I believe with all my heart that God can use any circumstance for His glory.  I have believed all my life that my adopted parents were supposed to be my parents.  As years have passed and I've become an adult I have realized more profoundly the sovereignty of God's plans.   That he had already picked out my forever family and knew what would happen one day.  The plan was there in place.  I just didn’t realize those plans yet as a child.

Sometimes I wonder how could a God so grand, wonderful, and majestic love a little infant like me?   

That the creator of the entire universe would care about what happened to me, the newborn orphan?

But He did.... He did.   

He gave me this tremendous gift of this couple.  They are "My" Mom and Dad.  No one can ever take this gift away from me.  And I am "their" daughter and no one can take that away from them.  God gave us His best in creating this family.

No matter how you look at it,   I could not control my circumstances.  I could not decide what family would become mine.  Prayers were lifted up on my behalf through the process and God answered the prayers.  My mom has told me this many times over the course of my life.

I sometimes wonder if my biological mother prayed for me, my well being and my health.  Did she pray I would be provided a loving home and parents who would nurture me and love me?  Did she pray for my heart?  Did she pray that I would know the Lord one day?   I don't know if she did any of these things and I may never know.  And you know what?  I'm ok with that.   I have a peace.  Deep down of course,  I hope she prayed for all of those things concerning me her unborn daughter,  because THAT means God answered ALL of her prayers too,  just like he answered others.  What matters is that the Lord created our family, bringing us all together for His glory.

 
Mom and Dad made the choice to say, “Yes! We want this little girl as part of our family.” Just as they had said, "Yes!" to my brother more than a year earlier.

Life is all about choices.   

Look at what happens when we choose certain things.  Many times we don't know what will happen when we make a certain choice.  We have to step out on faith.   Because my adopted parents stepped out on faith my life totally changed for the better. 

What is so amazing to me is that now everything has come full circle after all of these years.  I see so clearly why this match of parent and child is so perfectly made.  God knew my parent’s hearts, but he also knew where my heart would be 44 years later.   Initially I needed a family.  I needed loving parents and a home.  I needed someone to care about me.  And now my parents need someone to take care of them.  God knew when I was an infant how deep this love for my folks would run.  He knew my mom would have Type 1 diabetes for over 60 years, have cancer 3 different times and survive. 

He knew my Daddy would eventually be in the battle of his life, fighting a degenerative brain disease and begin to lose his memory.  For the past year I have watched parts of the dad I know and have loved my whole life become stolen into the abyss of the dementia world.  God has allowed much of him to remain, but watching and walking him through this battle is tough.  I’m so glad it’s me and my brother who are walking him through.  God knows our hearts!

If I had a testimony of faith to give of my life it would be of adoption. 

That God does care about each and every human being.    

John 3:16  "For God so loved the world that He gave his only Son, that who so ever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life."

That we are all created in His image.    

Genesis 1:27  "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him: male and female He created them."

We are fearfully and wonderfully made.   

Psalm 139:14  "I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  Wonderful are your works, And my soul knows it full well."

He knew us in our mother’s wombs.    

Psalm 139:13  "For You formed my inward parts:  You wove me in my mother's womb."

He has a plan for us.   

Jeremiah 29:11  "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.'

He guides us in that plan and gives us His clarity and wisdom when we humbly ask for it, but He does not make our choices for us.  Ultimately that is up to us.  When we follow His lead and make the choices that honor Him, life is astoundingly different than when we choose our own way. 

Sometimes I wonder if God wanted me to always remember I’m adopted for specific reasons.  Why does He place this burden of sharing it, of telling of His goodness on my heart?  Why does He want me to remember what it feels like to be chosen?  He first chose me before I chose Him, and I believe more fully than ever that being adopted by an earthly family who loves me helps me to understand more fully how this truly feels.

I am constantly reminded that life is a gift.    

It is forever carved in my heart.  I just can't see it any other way.  When I think of what "might have been", how can I not look at life as anything but as a gift? 

I realize it more with each passing year.  I lift my hands to heaven and say, “Thank you Lord!  Thank you Lord for giving me LIFE!  For giving me a chance to really live here on earth with a family that loves me! 

Then though she cannot hear me, I look to heaven again and say to the birth mother I have never met,  “Thank you!!  Thank you for giving me life!  Thank you for giving me a chance to be who I was meant to be.  You did a beautiful, wonderful thing in choosing something different for me.  I am blessed.    Thank you!!” 

I cannot imagine how my life might have been so very different if different choices were made on my behalf.   I also cannot imagine better parents than the ones God gave me.  The gift of family is one of God’s greatest gifts to me.   I never take it for granted.  God won’t let me.  He reminds me so often that He is sovereign and He is God and I am not.  

Traits may be passed down by genes and blood, but I think a lot is passed down through the circumstances you are surrounded with as well.    

Through it all God guides us through the life we have been given and has a plan.

And our choices in God’s eyes do matter, they do.  All I have to do is look at my own life and His hand prints are all over it as are the fingerprints of my two loving parents.

If you are a parent of an adopted child, you may never know the full impact you have made on your child or will make on your child for the better.   Believe me when I tell you it is there and will not be forgotten by the child you have adopted.  To those in the process of adopting, keep your trust in God at the forefront of all you do.  He is faithful to complete what He has started.  And to those thinking about adopting a child I say, “Pray, ask for God’s wisdom and guidance and know full well if you have fears, worries or uncertainties about it, that God will give you clarity and take care of all of those things.”   

A simple “yes” changed my life. 

A Perfect Fit

Sometimes the Lord has a way of working things out in my life to fit perfectly the way He knows they need to be.  Different aspects of my life are like puzzle pieces fitting together, which are carefully crafted by our heavenly Father with His best in mind for my life.  It is as if He sees my life as the picture on the puzzle box and knows what the finished product will look like.  He is the potter, I'm the clay.  He is not through with me yet.  I'm so grateful for His best.  I pray that I will always recognize and appreciate His best, so that I may make choices that reflect this in my life.

My Mom choosing me as her daughter was God's best for me.  Oh I'm so grateful she made that choice!

I'd say that as Mother's Day approaches, that the gift of my mother is such an incredible gift that it is hard to put into words.

As mother and daughter, I'd say we are a perfect fit.  

From the beginning of our lives together, we look like we were always meant to be.  This photo was probably taken my first days at home with my forever family.  I am two months old.  I had just met my mom days earlier.  I have a feeling I felt her love from day one.  After knowing her for over 4 decades and knowing her loving spirit, gentleness, kindness, and caring nature, I know she loved on me like I had never been loved before.

Everyone says how much we look alike. I always smile. I love when people say that.  No one can believe that I'm adopted at first.

I'm so glad God knows us so well.

A perfect fit..... yes, a mother daughter perfect fit.

I love you Moma.

A Most Excellent Day

A surprise Mother's Day celebration for Mom today.  It was a most excellent day!  The boys made cards for her that we could hang on the wall.  We were able to go downstairs and watch her PT session. The boys were even able to participate with her.  We love her physical therapist, Fallon.  Afterward we took Mom over to see Dad.  Boy was he surprised!  He was laying down to take a nap.  As soon as he saw me wheel Mom in the room he sat up very quickly and was so surprised and happy to see her!  It was like he had not seen her in a week.  I love that he reacts to her that way when he sees her!  She doesn't go over to his building very often, so it was a nice surprise.

All in all it was a beautiful day.  We hung up our Mother's Day cards on her wall.  Something new for her to look at.... and we just had a really good visit.

More smiles....
More hugs....
More love....

A most excellent hug from Joseph.

 

I just love being able to tell her one more time for Mother's Day... 

"Thanks Mom for choosing me as your daughter so many years ago. You are one of my most cherished gifts from God." 

And yes, PJ still fits on her lap.... but barely.  I'm going to hate the day when she asks him to climb up and he's too heavy!  As long as she can hold him there, she will.  And as long as he can climb up there, he will.

Thank you Lord for these memories....