Two of the Greatest Gifts of My Life

Forty-six years ago on January 11,  I received two of the greatest gifts of my life.

My parents

Their 50th Wedding Anniversary Celebration in 2003

Every January 11th that goes by I always stop and consider this day and what it has meant to my life.  

In short, January 11th has meant EVERYTHING.  It is the day love came home for a second time (love came home first when Mom and Dad adopted Tom two and a half years earlier).  It is the day I came "home" to a love I'd never known.  It is the day my life changed forever.... in the best possible way that could ever be imagined.

To me, January 11th represents God's goodness, faithfulness, and love.

Being adopted is my story of God's greatness and magnificence in my life.  He has taught me so much through being a chosen daughter of two earthly parents.

I've said it so many times to so many people, "My parents are such gifts to me."  

How do I explain to someone, how much of a gift two people are who have given you everything in life that truly matters, like hope, joy, love, security, encouragement, forgiveness, family, value, acceptance?..... and I could go on.  How can I possibly thank them adequately for everything they've been to me?  The answer is, I can't do this adequately.  I can pour out my heart to the Lord though with thanksgiving as often as I think of them and live a life of gratitude in light of His awesome gifts.  

It is so special to be loved by them and to be their daughter.  The gift of themselves TRULY saved my life from so many unfortunate things that could have been mine if I were not adopted into a loving family.  God was so gracious and merciful in providing for me the family I needed and the children Mom and Dad so desired whom they couldn't have on their own.   That gift of "Mom and Dad", of each of them is woven into me so tightly and intricately as a person.  

My biological mother's choices to give me LIFE and to LET GO of me, her newborn child, will never be forgotten by me.  Why? Because these two things to me are gifts.  (This is why my blog's title is "Life is a gift".)  I am grateful for BOTH decisions.  God took both in those moments and started helping me paint the masterpiece of my life.  

When Tom and I sat down with Pastor Shane at Myers Park UMC before Mom's memorial service in July to share with him special things about Mom, he asked what was one thing that came to our mind when we thought of Mom.  I told him right away, "LOVE".  

My mother taught me what love was.  How to love...  How to love other people...  How to love myself...  I told him that.  Tom completely reiterated that fact in his own sincere words.

I have to say the same thing about Dad too.  He did exactly the same thing.  He showed me what "loving" and "pouring your love into another human being" were from the beginning.

What could be a greater gift than that?  Anything?

In my Dad's Bible, when I was looking through it the other day, I noticed only a few places where he had highlighted Scripture passages in red.  He even had a bookmark with two passages on it.

1 Corinthians 13 and Romans 13

At the top of the page of 1 Corinthians he had this boxed in red....

Then I saw the passages....

Then he had this part double underlined...

This one about love meant so much.  What was so meaningful to me, is that in retrospect looking back at my life, I can say, my Dad has been an example of love to our family in so many ways.  No one is perfect or loves like God does, but my parents certainly always aspired towards that kind of love in their every day lives.

My favorite thing Pastor Shane said to me in his eulogy of Mom was something like this...."Ethel could not keep her love to herself.  She had to share it.  The love God poured into her, she could not keep inside, it had to be shared."  This describes both of my parents better than anything.

Finding these passages of love underlined by Dad, since Mom's passing have been such a comfort to me.  

January 11th, as a 7 week old infant, I came home in a Chevrolet Station wagon in the backseat with a pink, fuzzy blanket and my new brother holding my hand.  I came home to stay.  

What a gift.

1987

  

I miss my mom every. single. day.  I miss everything about her.
I loved everything about her.  I just want to hear her voice, sit with her and chat like we always did.  I want my "bushel and a peck and hug around the neck".  I want to see her face light up when she sees the boys.  I will have to wait for heaven....which I know is mine, but that gives me something to look forward to in SO many ways!

There are no regrets in my life when it comes to her or my dad.  I must have looked through every single card she gave me the past 6 months since she died.  Cards from decades ago (yes, I kept them all, I'm so much like her)  Her words to me comfort me SO much more than just saying "I love you."  Why?  I saw written down in a birthday card,  that her dreams for me came true.  All those things she wished and dreamed for me as that little infant daughter placed into her arms at the adoption agency came true.  No regrets.  No regrets for either of us when it came to our relationship. This can only come from God.  This peace.  This life with no regrets between us.  

I'll have THESE WORDS she shared with me,  for the rest of my life, first in my "All About Me" adoption book. 

I love that she said "Please love us too and hold our hands as we lead you...."  Also, the fact that she saw me as her chosen daughter, like my brother was her chosen son, always seeing God in the midst of it, playing a part in their dreams coming true as a family.

Lake Junaluska, NC 1968

She didn't know when she wrote me that note in my adoption book how deep this love would run for all of us, but God knew.  This is why I miss her so much.  It's the love.  When you love deeply you hurt deeply.  I am so grateful for her gift of herself.  Her last days on this earth, we held onto her hand, like she held my brother's and mine in the beginning....  When Tom and I were there with Mom that last week of June, Tom's words to her were always, "Hey, Mom....  It's your little boy here and your little girl...."  Always and forever hers and she ours... 

 

Our beautiful Moma....

Words that I cherish from Mom....

Words that I cherish from Dad....

A card given to me after I finished grad school and started teaching.

Alzheimer's prevents my daddy from remembering January 11th or even that he adopted me.  So, I just have to remember all the times he and I did go down memory lane, when he would recount that day for me and laugh and remember it with fondness.  I'd always call he and Mom on my special day to tell them "Thank you again for choosing me as your daughter."  I've also got some of his saved messages he left on our answering machine years ago.  They are recorded on my phone and I listened to one today.   

When I tell him, I'm his "little girl" these days, that smile gets so big and wide.  He knows who I am.  He still tells us "I love you."

And this day it is for me to remember what God has done in my life.  To remember the precious gifts he's given me in two loving parents and a brother whom I love so much.  

Mom awaits us in heaven, so in the meantime.....
...I will continue to look at Dad like I did on that day when I was in our backyard in Dilworth, as a toddler.  He made me smile then and he has never stopped.  I cherish him.

I'll remember ALL he's done for me.

I am his daughter.

He is my daddy, my forever hero in life.

We will keep loving through the valley of Alzheimer's.  

I will keep holding his hand, calling him "Dad" and telling him I'm his little girl, even when he forgets who I am.