PEACE the Evening Before

Tomorrow afternoon I find out what is wrong with my Moma. 

 We have been waiting for this day.  We have put her through doctors appointments and a CT scan last week.  Tomorrow is an ultra sound of the legs and CT scan results.  It is the big day of questions to be answered like....
....does she have cancer again?
....how bad are the circulation issues in her legs?
....what is making her right leg swell and be so painful?
....is there anything we can do to help her through this?
....has diabetes taken its toll on her finally in regards to her circulatory system?

So many questions.... so many answers we'd love to have.  
So many possible answers rolling around in this brain of mine.

I've asked God to prepare my heart for tomorrow's appointment with the vascular specialist and the news we might hear, whatever that might be.

I don't know what I will hear and that's always the scary part....not knowing....but God already knows how this is going to turn out.  I've been praying for Mom a lot.  She is such a trooper.  She's been through so much already in the past 10 years.  Dear Lord, please isn't what she's been through already enough strife?  Isn't having diabetes 63 years enough in itself?  Isn't going through cancer 3 times enough?  Isn't it?  I just so don't want her to have to go through more stress and strife.  

During the morning of her CT scan we sat there across from each other in the waiting room.  She in her wheel chair and I in the waiting room chair and she looked at me and said, "What else is your poor old Mama going to have to need of you?"  She smiled with this smile which was like she was having compassion on ME.

I just looked at her and smiled back and said, "You're going to need hugs and lots of love, that's what."  She just giggled.  I'd do anything for her, and I know deep down her body is beginning to wear a lot from all that she's been through and from whatever is going on inside her body now that we can't see.

So tonight I spent the "night before" this big day on the Flint Hill fields with Victory sports with our two boys.  We had practices today.  Mike's been in Maryland all week and will be home tomorrow.  Practices are back to back from 6:30pm until 8:30pm.  They are late.  Tonight being on those fields with Joseph and Philip, was just what I needed.

I got to sit beside my oldest as we watched his little brother play.  Philip was more interested in the cloud cover and the direction the clouds were moving than anything the coach had to say.  Sigh.... such is my little meteorologist.  I don't know if he will "get" football this year, but we will try out best and have fun with the experience.

Then we switched.  Joseph walked to the other end of the field to his practice, while I listened to the devotions for the younger teams.  The devotions are the same for each grade level, so Philip and I actually heard them twice.  I needed to hear the message twice, because the message was "Count it all joy, when trials come your way...." from Philippians.  Perfect verse for me for tomorrow's appointment with Mom.

Then Philip and I sat on the field near Joseph's team.  I started taking photos, and began taking photos of him close up for fun.  He started to pose.  It was so funny.  He loves my camera and he took a few pictures too.  

As I checked the pictures in the view finder and saw that little face (who was sitting right there next to me smiling), I was so grateful to God for him.  He and I have had a rough week.  He's had a hard time with boundaries and just growing up and learning that the world doesn't revolve around him.  It has been one of those "mother-son struggles" this week.  Tonight however, all that washed away and I had my PJ next to me and he was so loving, so calm, and so endearing.  We took pictures of the sky and those looming clouds and each other. 

I made him a clover bracelet as we sat on the grass and he asked me, "How did you DO that?"  Ha ha ha.... oh the little things.  He grabbed my arm and hung on to me most of the time as we sat on the field and watched his big brother.  He kept very close and loved on me.

 He asked quietly how much longer the practice was, only a couple of times.  He didn't have a melt down, he didn't complain, he just asked.  I needed that patience in him tonight.  Thank you Lord.  I needed some calm tonight before tomorrow.
 And watching Joseph's team practice made me cheer, laugh, and be grateful all over again.  I loved Dakota's little jig after he made a touch down.  I loved seeing Joseph catch a few passes and dive for flags.  I loved watching these boys tonight on the eve of my mother's appointment.  Coach Donnie told that story again for devotions and he told it a bit differently than we had heard it just an hour ago.  He said, "No matter what you may go through, when it's hard, just know God knows all about it and He knows what you need to get you through those hard times.  

"Look for the blessings.  Count it all joy."  

It was like he was talking to me, not 25 boys sitting in the clover 10 yards away from me.  As I'm sitting here listening to Donnie, I'm thinking, "This is also amazing, because not even two weeks ago, his daddy passed away.

I so needed to hear this message tonight.

And to top it all off, both boys have gone to bed without complaining, whining, or fighting!  Have I died and gone to heaven?  Just kidding!  It's been calm tonight.  It has not been extremely calm this week though.

I so needed that too tonight.
So I end this day with such a peace I can't explain.  
With prayers for God's favor on my Moma. 
With praises on my lips for all that took place on those football fields tonight, the love of my sons, and God's peace that came over me sitting on the sidelines.

Moma, I love you.... we walk together with you.... no matter what.